The Stress Source You're Overlooking: Your Relationships

There was a time in my life when stress completely took over. It showed up in my body first—making it impossible to take a full, deep breath. That sensation would last for days, sometimes weeks, eventually spiraling into panic attacks that sent me to the doctor.

While working to understand the root causes of my stress, I discovered something that changed everything. Something that was right in front of me the whole time.

The Uncomfortable Truth About Relationships and Stress

When I finally got honest with myself about what was causing my stress, I had to face that certain relationships in my life were a major source of my anxiety.

I kept making these excuses:

> "We've been friends forever, so I should keep trying."

> "It's probably just me being too sensitive."

> "That's just how they are—I need to accept it."

Meanwhile, my body was sending clear signals through stress and anxiety whenever I had to interact with these people. A knot in my stomach before seeing them. Racing thoughts after our conversations. That familiar tightness in my chest.

Our bodies are incredibly wise when it comes to recognizing what's good for us—often long before our minds catch up.

A Simple Relationship Audit That Changed Everything

The first step that made a difference was tracking how I felt before and after spending time with different people in my life.

I started asking myself:

> Who did I dread seeing yet kept forcing myself to spend time with?

> Who consistently left me feeling drained, anxious, or unable to be myself?

> Who made me feel lighter, energized, and more like me?

This simple practice created awareness that was impossible to ignore. Some patterns became painfully obvious—certain people in my life were creating a stress response every single time we interacted.

My Decision Framework for Difficult Relationships

Once I identified the relationships causing stress, I created a simple framework for making decisions:

> Is this relationship important enough to try to fix? Not every relationship is worth the energy of repair.

> Do I believe this person is capable of change? Sometimes the answer is honestly no, based on past patterns.

> Does the relationship add more value than stress to my life overall? This required brutal honesty.

Based on those answers, I would choose one of three paths:

> Have an honest conversation about what needed to change

> Set firm boundaries while maintaining the relationship

> Gradually (or sometimes immediately) end the relationship

Boundaries for Unavoidable Relationships

Of course, some relationships can't be entirely avoided—family members, bosses, certain colleagues. For these, I got serious about boundaries:

> Limiting how often we interact

> Keeping conversations surface-level

> Being direct about topics that are off-limits

> Practicing emotional detachment during difficult interactions

> Having a post-interaction stress-relief ritual (more on this in a moment)

Digital Relationships Count Too

I extended this practice to my digital relationships as well—unfollowing accounts that consistently made me feel inadequate or anxious. Our brains often don't distinguish between in-person and digital interactions when it comes to stress responses.

The Freedom of Curating Your Relationships

When it comes to stress, we have to look at what we can control, and for the most part, the people who get access to us is within our control. It was incredibly freeing once I surrounded myself primarily with people who made me feel good.

This practice freed up a ton of emotional space and significantly increased my capacity to handle other stresses in my life—the ones I couldn't control.

My Stress-Reset Ritual After Difficult Interactions

These days, I have a specific ritual for shaking off uncomfortable interactions with someone:

I grab my Feel Good Mat and let the vibrations do their magic. The frequencies signal to my nervous system: "Hey, that interaction? It's over. You're safe now."

I'll either do a journal dump getting out all my thoughts and frustrations or I'll pick up the phone and call a friend who I trust and talk it out.

I then do a quick visualization of releasing the interaction's energy through my hands and I shake the energy off my hands (think jazz hands here).

This always makes me feel better and even if there's some sting lingering right away, after a couple days it's gone and forgotten.

Questions I Ask Myself Now

I've become much more intentional about who gets my time and energy. When interacting with people, I regularly ask myself:

"How does this person make me feel? Good or am I dreading answering this call or hanging out?"

"Is this relationship causing me stress, and what boundaries do I need?"

Sometimes the answer surprises me mentally, but I realize my body was telling me so loudly all along.

Your Turn

Is there a relationship contributing to your stress right now? A person who leaves you feeling drained, anxious, or somehow "less than" after spending time with them?

The awareness is the first step. Notice how your body feels before, during, and after interactions. Your physical response rarely lies.

You deserve relationships that energize rather than deplete you. And sometimes, the most powerful stress management tool is simply being more intentional about who gets access to your time and energy.